Army of Women
26 Nov 2008 | : *News*
Christine Dwyer
www.cancergrief.com
Getting Through the Holidays
25 Nov 2008 | : End Of Life, Grieving
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Surviving Grief During the Holiday Season |
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from Angela Morrow, RN With the first fallen leaf of autumn, we begin to anticipate the holidays ahead. Our senses are acute and take in everything: the smell of turkey roasting and freshly baked pies; the holiday songs playing on the radio; the sound of laughter from our loved ones who have gathered together. But for those of us who are experiencing illness, grief, or the loss of a loved one, the holidays can be a time of sadness, pain, anger, or dread. |
The ebb and flow of grief can overwhelm us with waves of memories, especially during the holidays. Grief will also magnify the stress that is already a part of the holiday season. How do we begin to fill the emptiness we feel when it seems everyone else is overflowing with joy? There are some strategies to help you cope during the holidays and beyond.
Strategies for Survival
Offer Yourself Some Grace
The best thing you can do this holiday season is be kind to yourself. Give yourself permission to feel whatever it is your feeling. Don’t fall prey to the belief that you have to feel a certain way or do certain things for your holiday to be “normal.” If you feel sad, allow the tears to come; if you feel angry, allow yourself to vent some steam.
Be Kind to Yourself
Get the rest and nourishment you need. Don’t take on any more than you can handle. If you need to be alone, honor that. If you crave the company and affection of others, seek it out. Do whatever it is that feels right to you.
Ask For and Accept Help
The holiday season is no time to feign strength and independence. You will need the help and support of others to get through. Don’t feel as though you are a burden. People get immense satisfaction and joy from helping those they care about.
In times of need, other people desire to help but often don’t know how. This is the time for you to speak up and make your needs known. If you need someone to help you with meals, shopping, or decorating, tell them so. They will be delighted to feel like they are helping you in some way.
The same holds true for your emotional needs. Friends and family may feel uncomfortable when it comes to talking about your grief. They may think that you don’t want to talk about it and don’t want to remind you of your pain. Again, you will have to direct them in the best way to help you. If you want to talk about what you’re going through or just want a shoulder to cry on, let your loved ones know.
Find Support
Sharing your feelings is the best way to get through them. You need people you can talk to. Friends and relatives can be a great support to us during times of grief, but they are sometimes full of their own grief or so immersed in the business of the holidays that they cannot be a support to you. Support groups for caregivers and the bereaved are plentiful during the holiday season. Check with local churches, community centers, and hospice agencies to find a group that suites you. Support group members often make friends that end up being a source of support for years to come.
Make a Difference
Most of us like to help others during the holiday season. Taking the ornament off the tree at the mall, dropping our change in the charity basket, or donating to our favorite organization can help us feel like we are contributing to a greater good. Helping others in times of grief can help take the focus off yourself and your pain. Volunteering at a nursing home, hospital, children’s shelter, or soup kitchen can be cathartic in times of pain. Even helping a friend or family member in need can be healing.
Stop the Comparisons
It’s easy to watch other families and compare them to your own. Seeing other families together and enjoying the festivities may make you feel deprived. Keep in mind that the holidays are stressful for most families and are rarely the magical gatherings depicted in greeting cards. Try to embrace what you have rather than compare it to what you think others have.
Remember That You Will Survive
As hard as it is for you right now, you will survive. You will make it through the holidays in one piece. It may be the most difficult season in your time of grief, but it will pass. And when it does, you will come out on the other side stronger than before.
You don’t have to enjoy the holidays. You don’t even have to go through the motions pretending to enjoy the festivities. But, it’s also OK to have a good time in spite of your grief. If happiness slips through your window of grief, allow it to happen and enjoy it. You won’t be doing your loved one an injustice by feeling joyous. The best gift you can give anyone you love, even someone you have lost, is being true to yourself and living your life to the fullest.
More Links
More Resources on Grief and Mourning
Beyond A Cure
20 Nov 2008 | : *News*
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CancerWise
18 Nov 2008 | : *News*
 November 2008 |
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| (c) 2008 The University of Texas M. D. Anderson Cancer Center The material and content contained in CancerWise is for general health information only and is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Users of CancerWise should not rely exclusively on information provided in CancerWise for their own health needs. All specific medical questions should be presented to your own health care provider. |
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Pilates Strengthens the BodyProfessor Randy Pausch
17 Nov 2008 | : Grieving
If you have not seen this last lecture of Randy Pausch click on the link below to get to the youtube video of this lecture…..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nwO7EnM0zWM
Randolph Frederick Pausch[1] (October 23, 1960 – July 25, 2008) was an American professor of computer science, human-computer interaction and design at Carnegie Mellon University (CMU) in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, and a best-selling author who achieved worldwide fame for his “The Last Lecture” speech on September 18, 2007 at Carnegie Mellon.
In Au gust 2006, Pausch was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. He pursued a very aggressive cancer treatment that included Whipple procedure[2] surgery and experimental chemotherapy; however, in August 2007 he was told the cancer had metastasized to his liver and spleen, which meant it was terminal. He then started palliative chemotherapy, intended to extend his life as long as possible. At that time, doctors estimated he would remain healthy for another three to six months. On May 2, 2008, a PET scan showed that his cancer had spread to his lungs and some lymph nodes in his chest, and that he had some metastases in his peritoneum and retroperitoneum.
On June 26, Pausch indicated that he was considering stopping further chemotherapy because of the potential adverse side effects. He was, however, considering some immuno-therapy-based approaches.[3]
On July 24, on behalf of Pausch, a friend anonymously posted a message on Pausch’s webpage stating that a biopsy had indicated that the cancer had progressed further than what was expected from recent PET scans and that Pausch had “taken a step down” and was “much sicker than he had been.” The friend also stated that Pausch was “now enrolled” in a hospice program designed to provide palliative care to those at the end of life.[4]
On July 25, Diane Sawyer announced on Good Morning America that Pausch had died earlier that morning.[5] Pausch died at his home in Chesapeake, Virginia surrounded by his wife Jai and their three children: Dylan, 6, Logan, 4 , and Chloe, 2.
Pausch received his bachelor’s degree in computer science from Brown University and his Ph.D. in computer science from Carnegie Mellon University. He was a co-founder, along with Don Marinelli, of CMU’s Entertainment Technology Center (ETC), and he started the Building Virtual Worlds[6] course at CMU and taught it for 10 years. He was a National Science Foundation Presidential Young Investigator and a Lilly Foundation Teaching Fellow. Pausch was a professor in the Department of Computer Science at the University of Virginia’s School of Engineering and Applied Science from 1988 until 1997. He completed sabbaticals at Walt Disney Imagineering and Electronic Arts (EA) and consulted with Google on user interface design. Pausch was the author or co-author of five books and over 70 articles and the founder of the Alice software project.
Pausch received two awards from ACM in 2007 for his achievements in computing education. These are the Karl V. Karlstrom Outstanding Educator Award and the ACM Special Interest Group on Computer Science Education Award for Outstanding Contributions to Computer Science Education.[7] He was also inducted as a Fellow of the ACM in 2007.
The Pittsburgh City Council declared November 19, 2007 to be “Dr. Randy Pausch Day.”[8]
In May 2008, Pausch was listed by Time as one of the World’s Top-100 Most Influential People.[9]
Cancer
Pausch’s last lecture posterPausch was diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer[10][11] and underwent a20Whipple procedure (pancreaticoduodenectomy) on September 19, 2006 in an unsuccessful attempt to halt his pancreatic cancer.[12] He was told in August 2007 to expect a remaining three to six months of good health. He soon moved his family to Chesapeake, Virginia, a suburb near Norfolk, to be close to his wife’s family.
On March 13, 2008, Pausch advocated for greater federal funding for pancreatic cancer before the United States Senate Appropriations Subcommittee on Labor, Health and Human Services, Education, and Related Agencies.[13] In the week prior to this, he had been hospitalized in order to have needle aspiration of pleural effusion in his right lung.
On May 2, 2008, a PET scan showed that he had very tiny (5mm or less) metastases in his lungs and some lymph nodes in his chest. He also had some metastases in his peritoneal and retroperitoneal cavities.
The “Last Lecture”
Pausch delivered his “Last Lecture,” titled “Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams,” at CMU on September 18, 2007.[14] This talk was modeled after an ongoing series of lectures where top academics are asked to think deeply about what matters to them, and then give a hypothetical “final talk,” i.e., “what wisdom would you try to impart to the world if you knew it was your last chance?”
Before speaking, Pausch received a long standing ovation from a large crowd of over 400 colleagues and students. When he motioned them to sit down, saying, “Make me earn it,” some in the audience shouted20back, “You did!”
During the lecture, Pausch was upbeat and humorous, alternating between wisecracks, insights on computer science and engineering education, advice on building multi-disciplinary collaborations, working in groups and interacting with other people, offering inspirational life lessons, and performing push-ups on stage. He also commented on the irony that the “Last Lecture” series had recently been renamed as “Journeys”: “I thought, damn, I finally nailed the venue and they renamed it.”[15]
After Pausch finished his lecture, Steve Seabolt, on behalf of Electronic Arts, which is now collaborating with CMU in the development of Alice 3.0,[16] pledged to honor Pausch by creating a memorial scholarship for women in computer science,[10] in recognition of Pausch’s support and mentoring of women in CS and engineering.
CMU president Jared Cohon spoke emotionally of Pausch’s humanity and called his contributions to the university and to education “remarkable and stunning.”[17] He then announced that CMU will celebrate Pausch’s impact on the world by building and naming after Pausch a raised pedestrian bridge[18] to connect CMU’s new Computer Science building and the Center for the Arts, symbolizing the way Pausch linked those two disciplines.
Finally, Brown University professor Andries van Dam followed Pausch’s last lecture with a tearful and impassioned speech praising him for his courage and leadership, calling him a role model. [17]
Randy Pausch repeated his speech to the Oprah show [1].20
Media coverage
Randy Pausch and his wife Jai meeting with Sting at “The Police” concert at the University of Virginia on November 6, 2007Pausch was named “Person of the Week” on ABC’s World News with Charles Gibson on September 21.[19] His “Last Lecture” has attracted wide attention from the international media,[20] became an Internet hit, and was viewed over a million times in the first month after its delivery.[21] On October 22, 2007, Pausch appeared on The Oprah Winfrey Show where he discussed his situation and recapped his “Last Lecture” for millions of TV viewers.[22]
On October 6, 2007, Pausch joined the Pittsburgh Steelers for the day during their regular practice, after the organization learned that one of his childhood dreams mentioned in his “Last Lecture” was to play in the NFL.[23]
The Disney-owned publisher Hyperion has paid $6.7 million for the rights to publish a book about Pausch called The Last Lecture, co-authored by Pausch and Wall Street Journal reporter Jeff Zaslow.[24]
A devoted Star Trek fan, Pausch was invited by film director J. J. Abrams to film a role in the latest Star Trek movie. Abrams heard of Pausch’s condition and sent a personal e-mail inviting Pausch to the set. Pausch happily accepted and traveled to Los Angeles, California to shoot his scene. In addition to appearing in the film, he also has a line of dialogue and donated the $217.06 paycheck to charity. [25][26]
On April 9, 2008, the ABC network aired an hour long Diane Sawyer feature on Pausch entitled “The Last Lecture: A Love Story For Your Life.”[27]
Other lectures and appearances
Pausch gave an updated version of his “Time Management” lecture on November 27, 2007 at the University of Virginia, to an audience of over 850 people.[28][29][30][31][32]
In March 2008, Pausch appeared in a public service announcement video and testified before Congress in support of cancer research.
On May 18, 2008, Pausch made a surprise return appearance at Carnegie Mellon, giving a speech at the commencement ceremony, as well as attending the School of Computer Science’s diploma ceremony, and on May 19, 2008 Pausch appeared on the Good Morning America Show.
Death
On July 25, 2008, Pausch died from pancreatic cancer at his family’s home in Chesapeake, Virginia, having moved there so that his wife and children would be near family after his death.[15]
Books
Learning to Program with Alice, Brief Edition (with Wanda P Dann and Stephen Cooper) (2006) ISBN 0132397757
The Last Lecture (2008) ISBN 1401323251
Quotes
“The brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are not there to keep us out; the brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. The brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want it badly enough. They are there to stop the OTHER people!” — from The Last Lecture
“…when you see yourself doing something20badly and nobody’s bothering to tell you anymore, that’s a very bad place to be. Your critics are the ones telling you they still love you and care.” — from The Last Lecture
“Experience is what you get when you didn’t get what you wanted.” — from The Last Lecture
“It’s not about how to achieve your dreams, it’s all about leading your life. If you lead your life in a right way, karma will take care of itself. And dreams will come to you.” — from The Last Lecture
“[Quoting a CMU secretary] This advice is good for the ladies: when it comes to men that are romantically interested in you, it’s really simple: just don’t listen to anything they have to say; pay attention to what they do” — from The Last Lecture
“We’re not going to talk about spirituality and religion. Although I will tell you that I have experienced a deathbed conversion. I just bought a Macintosh.” — from The Last Lecture
“If I only had three words of advice, they would be, Tell the Truth. If got three more words, I’d add, all the time.” — from The Last Lecture
References
^ Nelson, Valerie J. Randy Pausch, 47; Terminally ill professor inspired many with his ‘last lecture’. Los Angeles Times. July 25, 2008.
^ Randy Pausch’s short summary
^ “RandyPauschInformation”. Carnegie Mellon University (2008-06-26). Retrieved on 2008-06-28.
^ “RandyPauschInformation”. Carnegie Mellon University (2008-07-24). Retrieved on 2008-07-25.
^ Martz, Geoff (July 25, 2008), Last Lecture Author Dies: Randy Pausch, Author of ‘The Last Lecture,’ Succumbs to Cancer, ABC News,
^ http://www.etc.cmu.edu/bvw/
^ Virtual Reality Innovator Honored with Karlstrom Award by ACM, December 3, 2007,
^ “Proclamation of Dr. Randy Pausch Day by Pittsburgh City Council” (November 19, 2007). Retrieved on 2008-04-09.
^ “The 2008 Time 100 World’s Most Influential People”. Time Magazine (May 5, 2007).
^ a b Roth, Mark (September 19, 2007), CMU professor gives his last lesson on life, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette,
^ Zaslow, Jeff (September 20, 2007), A Beloved Professor Delivers The Lecture of a Lifetime, The Wall Street Journal,
^ Randy Pausch’s short summary
^ Dying Professor, Famous for His Last Lecture, Testifies Before Congress March 13, 2008
^ “University Lecture Series: Journey’s”. Carnegie Mellon (September 18, 2007). Retrieved on 2007-11-18.
^ a b Ramit Plushnick-Masti, Associated Press. “Prof whose ‘last lecture’ became a sensation dies,” The Dallas Morning News, July 25, 2008.
^ Watzman, Anne (March 10, 2006). “Carnegie Mellon Collaborates With EA to Revolutionize Computer Science Education”. Carnegie Mellon Today. Retrieved on 2007-11-18.
^ a b Robins, Gabriel (September 20, 2007), Randy Pausch’s Last Lecture, University of Virginia,
^ Heinrichs, Allison (September 19, 2007), Professor diagnosed with cancer offers his final words for the CMU community , Pittsburgh Tribune-Review,
^ “Dying Professor’s Lecture of a Lifetime”. ABC News (September 21, 2007). Retrieved on 2007-11-18.
^ Schmitz, Gregor (October 1, 2007), Ein todkranker Professor rührt Amerika, Spiegel Online,
^ Zaslow, Jeff (September 27, 2007), The Professor’s Manifesto: What It Meant to Readers, The Wall Street Journal,
^ “Dr. Oz: A Special Report on Death”. The Oprah Winfrey Show (October 22, 2007). Retrieved on 2007-11-18.
^ Heinrichs, Allison (October 4, 2007), Dying prof tackles final dream — the NFL, Pittsburgh Tribune-Review,
^ Flamm, Matthew (November 20, 2007), Hyperion wins auction for The Last Lecture, Crain’s New York Business,
^ Pascale, Anthony (January 19, 2008), Inspirational Professor Given Part In Star Trek, TrekMovie.com,
^ ‘Last Lecture’ professor dies at 47, July 25, 2008,
^ ABC News Special: The Last Lecture: A Love Story for Your Life, April 9, 2008,
^ “Randy Pausch: Time is All That Matters”. UVa Today (November 28, 2007). Retrieved on 2007-11-28.
^ “Lecture of a Lifetime: U.Va.’s School of Engineering and Applied Science Hosts Talk by Randy Pausch”. UVA Today (November 12, 2007). Retrieved on 2007-11-18.
^ “Professor with terminal cancer: There’s less time than you think”. Daily Progress (November 12, 2007). Retrieved on 2007-11-28.
^ “Prognosis Prompts Professor’s Tour”. NBC 29 WVIR-TV (November 27, 2007). Retrieved on 2007-11-27. < br> ^ “Former UVa Prof Giving His Last Lectures”. 19 News WCAV.tv (November 27, 2007). Retrieved on 2007-11-27.
External links
Pausch’s graduation speech on May 18, 2008, and his appearance on Good Morning America on May 19, 2008
“The Last Lecture: A Love Story For Your Life”, ABC Special aired April 9, 2008 (subtitles: English, German)
Randy Pausch explaining his motivation behind the “Last Lecture” and book (subtitles: English, German)
Randy Pausch, home page and Health update page at Carnegie Mellon University
The Alice Project, project to teach programming more effectively
Entertainment Technology Center, Master’s program co-founded by Pausch
Randy Pausch’s “Last Lecture” (Original video | closed captions (English, Chinese) | subtitles (English, German))
Randy Pausch’s “Last Lecture” news articles (description | impact | followup)
Randy Pausch’s “Time Management” lecture video
Historical news articles about Randy Pausch
Article entitled “A Final Farewell” from The Wall Street Journal
Randy Pausch article at Memory Alpha, a Star Trek wiki
Randy Pausch - Obituary
Persondata
NAME Pausch, Randy
ALTERNATIVE NAMES Pausch, Randolph Frederick
SHORT DESCRIPTION
DATE OF BIRTH October 23, 1960
PLACE OF BIRTH
DATE OF DEATH July 25, 2008
PLACE OF DEATH Chesapeake, Virginia, United States
Retrieved from “http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Randy_Pausch”
Palliative Care
12 Nov 2008 | : End Of Life
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